“Hello, my name is Bruno and I’m an alcoholic.” I became an alcoholic with the bankruptcy of my company, and with all the situations that happened to me in those years. 2009 was a horrific year. In addition to the business failure, there were other difficult things in my life. Many. Serious. Structural. The kind that shake everything. The whole. And in order to maintain my activity and fulfil my responsibilities, I paid the price internally. I took refuge in vices. Many. I owe no one money. I cannot. I lose sleep. It is horrific. It is a trauma that has stayed with me since that bankruptcy process, since that time. I have values. I was well brought up. And not being able to fulfil my responsibilities kills me inside. It is one of my weak points. There were months without sleep. Months. I could only sleep intoxicated. There was no other way. It was impossible. They were very difficult times. A long time has passed since that period, but I have never forgotten it. It remains very present within me. From 2009 to 2012, my life was on the edge. After settling all my debts, I solved part of the problem, but the eccentricity and the madness took more years to heal. Today, after so much time, I speak with pride; but at the time, I lived in denial. And only entrepreneurs know what I am talking about. Only those whose hearts have been torn apart understand the structural impact. It takes time to rebuild. To rise again. As the Brazilian vocalist once said: “only the mad ones know”…

During my work for Ambifaro and Faro City Council, I began to realise that there are egos, motivations, interests, games, schemes, lies, and pettiness with which my character and personality do not align. The problem was not only the “other”. I began to understand that there was work to be done within me. Inside.

And because at that time I had not yet done that deep inner work, I was unable to communicate, to connect, or to integrate into teams. Greater discernment was needed. More balance. More awareness. I felt anger, anguish, disappointment. I was stunned by the rot within our public system.

I even recall certain episodes in which alcohol did not help—quite the opposite, it worsened my sociopolitical position. I remember the night we became European football champions, the motorcycle gathering, and the Festival F that same year.

I have always done what makes sense to me, according to my principles, my values, my character. I have never given up. I refuse to. But in my path, whenever something is not right, I speak and point it out. Without fear. And between us, political and truthful are adjectives that do not go together. A phrase to reflect upon, one that contradicts the philosophy of the ideas from which doctrines were born. If Marx or Engels knew what the world is like today… or Thomas More!…

It was that year that I stopped drinking. I have not touched a drop of alcohol since. Zero. It was not easy. I tried several times without success. I devised various schemes to control my problem. Daily, I checked the signs of excess and the signs of restraint; the frowning faces and the smiling faces; the red crosses and the green crosses. I even think I invented a new way of curing addicts’ vices, but I was never entrepreneurial to that extent. If today a friend asks me for help, I know how to advise, by speaking about what I did. But for the general public, as I now write without fear, I did not always have the courage to do so. And the first step was asking for help. That one—the most difficult. And the most beneficial of all.

On 3 September 2016, on the night of the Richie Campbell concert, it was the last time I drank a beer. The following day was the first step. It was that year that I gained awareness and made some of the most important decisions of my life. I asked for help and entered a journey as enriching as the pride of the words I now type. It was a very important year for me and for my loved ones.

And none of this would have happened without the unconditional support of my wife, Rute Gago, who has been here, always, by my side — the solid pillar of the journey I undertook.
And none of this would have happened without the unconditional support of “another person” — the Sorceress of the Wind from the Moorish Lands, as I call her — an incredible human being who taught me how to walk. Someone very special whom I was fortunate enough to meet, and who knows more about me than the singular closing of the light at sunset. She knows who she is. Rute also knows who she is. I know who she is to me. Gratitude is not enough.
Once again: “only the mad ones know”…

Around 10 months after joining the Ambifaro and Faro City Council projects, I completely broke away from all the teams with whom I worked, directly or indirectly. I completed all the work assigned to me but stopped attending meetings, gatherings, or events for which I was not paid. I began to observe working hours and not to respond outside them. I chose the basics, setting aside total dedication. The priority was now another: Me.

After concluding all the Marketing and Communication Plans under my responsibility, and presenting them personally to the “aforementioned individual” (the other one, not My Friend) of whom I have already spoken in previous chapters, I chose truth “eye to eye” and to follow my own path.

I add here an important note, applicable to any focus. It is truly important to give voice to what comes from the diaphragm. With eyes closed, it communicates with us. I listen blindly to that voice. I heed my instinct. More and more. Truly. The more years pass, the more I trust that internal messenger I carry with me. It is right. Almost every time. If not every time.

Ten months after the beginning of my work, I informed the only person who deserved my personal consideration that there were no longer conditions for interpersonal collaboration with anyone. As I said, I failed in nothing under my contract. Nothing. On the contrary. I fulfilled it until the end of the 24 months. But having a company, I could follow my own course. That is what I did.

There are steps that are not taken forward. Sometimes they are backwards, others sideways, and others without leaving the spot. And those steps help us to walk. In November 2016, doors opened that I had never imagined possible. I began several journeys at once. The most beautiful of them all: my own. I began by discovering who I am; what I am; how I am; why I am; among so many images, stories, sorrows, visions, surprises, and victories that this inner world holds for the most attentive and courageous. Then, simultaneously, I took a bicycle trip from Sagres to Sines with Rute—also unforgettable. It was on that trip that we had the surprise of the “little olive” who was to be born seven months later, our daughter, Olívia. Another dazzling journey: new, frightening, incredible, and complex. I confess that I was not yet prepared, but it helped me immensely to grow. A sign of a higher power. Everything, in that moment when I “closed the window and opened the doors” that were destined for me. Each one of them, in exponential growth to this day. Gratitude. Fortune. Abundance.

The celebration of B16’s first decade coincides with the celebration of my own sobriety. There are a few months’ difference, but they are celebrated in the same year. I cannot explain how strong and important this is for me. I simply ask that you believe. On its own scale, it is a project of which I am very proud. B16 has given me reasons to smile, to be happy, to feel happy. With difficulties (or without them); with challenges (or without them); with people (or without them); it has been a warrior’s journey. A warrior of values. A warrior of principles. And I feel truly proud of the path. It is not the destination that matters, but the journey…

No B16 client can say to this day that I did not act; that I did not deliver; that I did not fulfil. We may not have achieved the same success with every project—obviously—but we gave our best to all of them.

And, in parallel, the other warrior: Me. The most important. Thank you, Mother. Thank you, Father. Thank you, Family. Thank you to the whole world I have encountered to this day. It was you who allowed me to be this way. Growth comes with time, with observation, with the willingness to learn. In previous chapters, I embrace a metaphor about the distance travelled to reach the celebration of B16’s tenth anniversary—key moments that dismantle that interval expressed along the journey. This turning point in particular—as you can imagine—adds another thousand of them. We are now at three thousand.

I try to be resilient, empathetic, ambitious, honourable, dutiful, dedicated, humble, loyal, respectful, and courageous. The values of the samurai. Bushido. Life in every breath.

To give the best of myself in the little that I do. That is my way of being.

Without fear. Without detours. Without embellishments, bridges, or blind leaps. Many people saw and know who I was, how I was, and where I went. Wheelies in front of authority; backflips at the edge of the urban precipice; races ahead of the train; dives into waters from rocks dozens of metres high on full-moon nights; skydives in altered states; social conflicts; revolts; marginality; skateboarding, drugs, and hardcore! Waking with rats on the rubbish; wandering through unlit nights; living indescribable dangers; AK-47s, black 8mm pistols, or sharp-edged weapons pointed at bare skin; well accompanied, poorly accompanied, or alone; here, there, everywhere. I tried everything. Ask me, and the answer is likely “yes”. The truth is only one: twelve steps are needed to see the light of the sky, the birdsong at sunrise, the utopian magic of the wave, the hidden details of the mountains, the complexity of human energy, the inexplicable connection to place, the spirituality of Being, among all the wonders each day contains within itself. I did not take all twelve. I went through them all, but I only took some. I hope to take them while I breathe. But I contemplate everything. And I am so much happier now.

B16 was an extension of me in that year. Then it changed, as I explain next.